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Moving Beyond Resolutions: The Power of Self-Compassion 

 

 

As we enter January, we are inundated with a flood of messages telling us what we should be doing, giving us advice, and getting us to take stock and reflect on the year that was and the year that is to come.  

 

We're encouraged to set ambitious goals and make ‘resolutions’ that often fail or get forgotten about within weeks. The emphasis on self-reflection and self-improvement can be overwhelming and make us feel we are not enough as we are, that we should be better and do more - “new year, new me!”. We might feel like if we’re not getting up at 5 am to go to the gym, eat a healthy breakfast, write down three things we’re grateful for, take the dogs for a walk, do a yoga session, clean our house, and then get on with our lives, that we’re not good enough. 

 

The truth is: New Year’s resolutions typically don’t work. 

 

For the most part, we don’t tend to stick with our New Years resolutions for very long, with only about 1% of people sticking to them for 11 or 12 months, and we can be pretty hard on ourselves if don’t achieve our ambitious goals.  

 

Of course, the practice of setting goals, intentions and reflecting is really helpful for us to live a life in line with our values and work towards positive change. This is something we can and should do any time, not just at the start of the year. However, sometimes the pressure of the new year to be ‘better’ and stick to our resolutions can make us stressed, anxious, and put undue burdens on our lives. If we don’t keep our resolutions, we can blame and punish ourselves and feel inadequate, rather than acknowledging that life is full of setbacks, encouraging ourselves, and trying again. 

 

"New Year's resolutions often fail because we try to change our habits overnight, forgetting that lasting change takes time." 

 

Take a moment to reflect your own experiences: have you ever started the year with high hopes for a ‘better’ year and a slew of resolutions, only to see them crumble or get forgotten about? How did that make you feel? What was going through your mind at the time?   

 

Notice the words you were using. Were they supportive, or harsh and punishing? Would you speak to your friends in the same way? Chances are you speak to yourself pretty negatively if you don’t achieve a goal or feel like you’ve failed at something. This type of thinking can often lead to feeling worse and giving up on your goals completely. 

 

An alternative to resolutions  

Instead of making rigid new year’s resolutions, you could try setting intentions for what you’d like to work on each month throughout the year. You can revisit these intentions regularly to reflect on your progress and ensure they still align with your values. Write down the things that have gone well in working towards your intentions, and things that have been challenging and brainstorm possible solutions. Remember, change is often gradual and there are always going to be setbacks. Offering kindness, support and encouragement to ourselves can actually help motivate us towards our goals and can help us be resilient if things get tough or we don’t fulfil our resolutions. This is called self-compassion.  

 

 

Understanding Self-Compassion 

So, what is self-compassion? You’ve probably heard the term ‘compassion’ before. Compassion involves having concern for the suffering of others and wanting to do something to help relieve it. Self-compassion is about turning compassion inward, something that often we are not very good at. It’s being kind and understanding of ourselves rather than harsh and self-critical when we make mistakes or face challenges. Instead of being harsh and judgmental, we offer ourselves encouragement, support, and constructive feedback. 

If you noticed a critical tone when reflecting on past mistakes, know that you’re not alone. A lot of us have been taught that to be successful, motivated and to improve we need to be critical to ourselves, and that by being kinder to ourselves is weak, self-indulgent and selfish and may cause us to lose motivation.  

 

This is a myth.  

 

Research shows that self-compassion actually enhances motivation. It helps us set ambitious goals and take initiative, driven by internal motivators like curiosity and personal satisfaction. Self-compassion allows us to move past the need for perfection, making it easier to start and finish tasks. We are more likely to believe that our abilities can be developed when we show ourselves compassion, encouraging persistence and learning. Self-compassion also helps us lower stress, anxiety, procrastination so we can stay clear on our goals.  

 

Self-compassion is about accepting ourselves, mistakes and all, and moving forward with kindness and support. A simple way to develop self-compassion is the compassionate friend exercise. 

 

The Compassionate Friend Exercise 

1. Think of a time when a friend made a mistake. How did you respond? What words and tone did you use? 
2. Now think of a time when you made a mistake. How did you speak to yourself? Notice the difference. 
3. Reflect on how you can alter your self-talk to be kinder and more supportive, similar to how you would speak to a friend. 
4. Practice this regularly to become more aware of your inner critic and employ a more compassionate voice. 

 

We hope you give yourself kindness and encouragement this year and recognise that everybody makes mistakes, and that you are doing your best with what you have. We hope 2025 is an amazing year for you, and that you are gentle on yourself throughout.  

 

Watch a video about self-compassion here.

 

Access free guided self-compassion practices here.